What to do if your kid is a bully

If your child is being a bully at school, you have a responsibility to teach him or her that the bad behavior that will not be tolerated. Your child has to understand that other people are her hurt by his or her actions, and that it is very wrong to hurt other children’s feelings in an attempt to feel better about him or herself. Try to figure out why your child has turned to bullying in social situations. Chances are, your child is not a bad person. Good people make bad choices. The important thing is that you inform your child about more appropriate ways of dealing with his or her peers and social situations in the future.

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First of all, if you have discovered that your child is being a bully, ask your child why. Listen carefully to the explanation. You always want to be on your child’s side first. While it is possible that your child is in the wrong, you are still his or her number one supporter, and you have to listen to what your child has to say in defense of his or her actions. Listening leads to understanding and understanding can lead to change.
Your child may have felt that in order to distract children from making fun of him or her that he or she would have to bully someone else instead. You may not have known that your child had been picked on, but often bullies are the result of bullying. Your child might get defensive and say that their bullying someone simply because that person is annoying or they don’t like that person, but that excuse is usually just the surface answer for the underlying reason. Try hard to get to the root of your child’s anger and upset.

If your child is physically violent towards other children, try to figure out where your child learned that this type of behavior was acceptable. Is there violence in your home? Does this child have an older sibling who is physically violent towards this child? Does your child spend a lot of time watching violent television programs or movies or playing violent video games? Does your child listen to music that has violent messages and song lyrics? You have to stay on top of what is going on in your kid’s life so that you can keep violent images out of it. If there’s violence in your home, then that is a major problem that you have to deal with as a family unit. Violence is completely unacceptable behavior, and it is not something that you want to pass down from generation to generation.

If you were formerly in the domestic violence situation, and your child was witness to it, then you should seek professional counseling for your child so that he or she can learn to express anger without physical violence. Explain to your child that hitting, kicking, punching, fighting, and name-calling are intolerable behaviors, and make it clear that you do not support any type of violence.

Tell your child to reflect on his or her actions. Ask your child how he or she believes they would feel if someone were to beat up on or make fun of them on a regular basis? Tell your child to put him or herself in the shoes of the people that he or she is bullying. Explain that it is very wrong to intentionally hurt someone physically or emotionally. Ask your child to recall a time when he or she has felt bullied. Demand that your child apologize to the children that he or she has bullied.

If your child has gotten in trouble with his teacher or the school administration as a result of being a bully, he or she should also be required to apologize to those people. Tell your child that if there is something that they want to talk about with you, you are available at any time for discussion. Oftentimes, a child who is a bully is a child with very low self-esteem and self-confidence. They feel that their only way to gain control in peer situations is by being a bully. Help your child to develop social skills by getting him or her involved in youth groups in the community or sporting activities. Try to nurture your child’s talents and dreams so that he or she does not feel the need to rebel through bullying, fighting, or making fun of others.